9.15.23
Hey, Calvary Fremont –
“Should I attend the wedding of my lesbian daughter?”
Many Christian parents have faced this challenging dilemma. The twin concerns that fuel the dilemma are 1) I don’t want to affirm the sinful lifestyle choice they have embraced, and 2) I don’t want to damage my relationship with my daughter and permanently alienate her and drive her out of my life. If I attend, will this signal my approval? If I stay away, will this signal my disapproval that will result in loss of relationship? Tough choices – no easy answers.
But for some, the answer is easy. The Bible says that we are not to participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness and so, of course, a Christian cannot attend a gay wedding. The Light has no fellowship with the Darkness and so, of course, a Christian cannot attend a gay wedding. Some would hold that to attend the wedding of your lesbian daughter is to communicate your approval of her sin which dilutes your Christian faith.
Here are some things to consider as you struggle to get the mind of the Lord on this matter. In Matthew 9:11, Jesus was eating with hated tax-gatherers and sinners, and the Pharisees criticized him for this. Sharing a meal in Biblical times was more than just eating food – it was more than just hangin’ out. It was a way of expressing hospitality, friendship, covenant, and grace. The Pharisees thought that Jesus should be rebuking and judging them and not fellowshipping with them. Reclining at the same table with sinners!? Scandalous! Yet, as we know, Jesus is the Friend of Sinners. I wonder if this could be said of the Church. Is there anyone today who actually thinks that Jesus eating with tax-gatherers and sinners means that He approved of their life-style and choice of career, that He participated in their sin? Anyone?
We are not to participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness. Yet attendance at the wedding of your lesbian daughter is not participation in the wedding. You are not there to celebrate, but to keep open channels of communication. Jesus’ attendance at a meal with sinners was not a participation in their sin nor did it signal His approval. His purpose was redemptive.
There’s a story in 2 Kings 5 that helps me think through this tough issue. Elisha has been instrumental in the healing of the Syrian general Naaman. (This is the man who dipped in the Jordan River seven times and was cleansed of his leprosy.) He returns from the Jordan not only healed of leprosy, but as a convert to the God of Israel. He has a conversation with the Prophet Elisha and shares with him a dilemma he will face when he returns to Syria. One of his duties in Syria was to accompany the king as he worshipped in the house of his god, Rimmon. Naaman’s conscience is now alert to the fact that the king of Syria is involved in idolatry. Naaman no longer wants anything to do with idolatry. Naaman says to Elisha in 2 Kings 5:18 –
“In this matter may the Lord pardon your servant: when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leans on my hand and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon, when I bow myself in the house of Rimmon, the Lord pardon your servant in this matter.”
Certainly attendance at a place of idol worship is analogous to attending a gay wedding. The Bible labels both idolatry and homosexuality as abominations. Naaman’s conscience was alert to the spiritual implications of what he was doing and was seeking counsel from the Man of God. What did the Prophet Elisha say to him?
He said to him, “Go in peace.” 2 Kings 5:19
Wow! Not only was Naaman entering the idol’s house, and not only was he assisting the king to worship the idol – he himself was bowing! Anyone looking at this would assume that Naaman was worshipping Rimmon, too. This is what smote Naaman’s conscience. He sought the word of the Lord and the word of the Lord to him was, “Go in peace.” Implication: God knows your heart in this matter. The bowing of his body was not the bowing of his spirit.
“Should I attend the wedding of my lesbian daughter?” If your purpose is redemptive – not to give approval but leave open the channels of relationship and communication – go in peace.
This is a tough issue. If you disagree and choose to comment, please do so in a godly manner. Just don’t say you disagree and read me the righteous riot act – give reasons. Who knows – you may convince me otherwise.
Be blessed and stay healthy and follow Jesus – Pastor Tim
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